SNAP! by Gary Small & Gigi Vorgan

Author:Gary Small & Gigi Vorgan
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: SEL031000 Self-help / Personal Growth / General, FAM000000 Family & Relationships / General
Publisher: Humanix Books

Chapter 7

Taming Your Neurosis

I’m neurotic about not being neurotic.

—Gwen Stefani

“I DESPISE PSYCHOBABBLE, DR. SMALL, AND I don’t really believe in therapy.”

“I understand. But since you’re here, would you like to sit down?”

Barbara, a 39-year-old television producer and first-time patient, mulled over the seating options and finally chose the armchair across from me.

“What can I do for you, Barbara?”

“Look, I don’t have time to sit around discussing my potty training or daddy issues with you, Dr. Small. I need help right now.”

It sounded like Barbara may have had an unpleasant past experience with a therapist, and I was hoping that she would be able to talk with me about it.

“What seems to be the problem?”

“I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks, and it’s making me a nervous wreck. Even when I go to bed exhausted, I can’t get comfortable, and I toss and turn for hours. I need some sleeping pills.”

“We can talk about that.”

I asked a few more questions about the nature of her insomnia because it can take various forms. Barbara had difficulty falling asleep at the beginning of the night, as opposed to having maintenance insomnia, which is the inability to stay asleep throughout the night. Trouble falling asleep often indicates an underlying problem with anxiety, whereas maintenance insomnia often suggests a depressive illness.

“Is anything worrying you?” I asked.

She sighed. “Always. I’m a world-class worrier, always have been.”

“I think everybody worries a little, Barbara . . .”

“Right, sure. But I’m totally neurotic. Sometimes I get so worried about making the wrong decision that I can’t do anything at all. I just feel paralyzed.”

“Is there something in particular on your mind?”

“Not really. Things are going good. I’ve been offered a promotion at work.”

“Congratulations.”

“I don’t know if I’m taking it.”

“Oh, no?”

“I haven’t decided.” She shook her head. “See? I can’t make up my mind about anything.”

“When do you have to let them know?” I asked.

“I’m not even sure I want to stay in this business for the rest of my life.”

“Are we really talking about the rest of your life, Barbara? Or one decision you’re having trouble making at this particular point in your life?”

“Good point. But it’s happening with everything. I can’t even decide which route to take to work—the shorter, winding one or the longer, safer one.”

I wondered if Barbara had always been torn between the safe choice and the riskier one, and I suspected there was something in her past that fueled her indecisiveness. I didn’t want to push her to talk about it though because she seemed so dead set against discussing her past at this point.

“Is anything else challenging going on in your life?”

“No. Well. It’s my birthday Saturday—I’m turning 40. Maybe that’s freaking me out a little.”

“Birthdays can trigger a lot of feelings. What does turning 40 mean to you?”

“Nothing, really. But just talking about it makes me anxious, OK?”

“A lot of people don’t like their birthdays.”

As we continued to talk, Barbara began to relax a little and eventually revealed how dissatisfied and conflicted she felt in several areas of her life—especially her career and her relationships.

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